Networking has earned a bad reputation because so much of it is approached as a transaction: collecting contacts, trading favors, and moving on once the immediate need is met. This transactional framing makes networking feel uncomfortable for both the person doing it and the person on the receiving end. This lesson reframes networking entirely, moving away from the idea of working a room for personal gain and toward the much more sustainable idea of building genuine relationships over time.
The Cost of Transactional Networking
When networking is purely transactional, people can usually sense it, and it creates a subtle wariness that undermines the entire interaction before it even gets started. A conversation that clearly exists only to extract value from the other person rarely leads to a lasting connection, because there is nothing underneath it once the immediate ask is resolved. This approach also tends to be exhausting, because it requires constantly identifying new targets rather than deepening a smaller number of real relationships.
What Relationship-Building Looks Like Instead
Relationship-building starts from genuine interest in another person rather than from what they might be able to do for you someday. It means showing up consistently over time, remembering details about their life and work, and engaging with them even when you have nothing to ask for. This approach takes longer to show results, but the relationships that come out of it tend to be far more resilient and mutually valuable than anything built on a single transactional exchange.
Why This Shift Actually Serves You Better
Ironically, approaching networking as relationship-building tends to produce better long-term outcomes than a purely strategic, transactional approach, because people are naturally more willing to help those they genuinely know and like. Opportunities tend to flow through relationships that have been nurtured over months or years, not through a single well-timed ask to a near-stranger. Making this shift is not just more comfortable — it is also more effective over the long run.
Action Step
Write down the names of three people you have approached primarily for what they could offer you, and identify one small, genuine way you could reconnect with each of them this month without asking for anything in return.
Educational content only, not professional advice. No outcomes, promotions, or results are guaranteed.