If you don’t define success for yourself, the world will define it for you. Advertising, social media, family expectations and workplace culture all offer ready-made versions: a certain title, income, house or lifestyle. Some of those may genuinely fit you. Many won’t.
Borrowed success versus chosen success
Borrowed success is a goal you adopted because it looked impressive or because someone expected it. You can reach it and still feel flat. Chosen success comes from what you value and want. It tends to feel meaningful along the way, not just at the finish line.
A quick test: imagine you reached a goal but nobody would ever know. Would you still want it? If the answer is “not really”, it may be borrowed.
Success has more than one dimension
Success in one area rarely makes up for neglect in others. Consider several life areas:
- Work and career: the contribution you make and how you grow.
- Money: enough security and freedom for the life you want.
- Health and energy: the physical base for everything else.
- Relationships: the people you love and who love you.
- Growth and learning: becoming more capable over time.
- Contribution and meaning: making a difference beyond yourself.
You don’t need to excel in all of them at once. But defining what “enough” and “thriving” look like in each helps you notice trade-offs before they become regrets.
Outcomes and process
Defining success only as an outcome (“earn X”, “get promoted”) makes your sense of progress depend on things you don’t fully control. Add a process definition too: “I’m successful when I keep my promises to myself, learn something every week and treat people well.” Process success is available every day.
Try this: write your definition
For each life area, write one sentence describing what success would look like for you over the next few years. Then write one process sentence: what does a successful day look like, regardless of results? Finally, combine them into a short paragraph that starts, “For me, success means…”
Workbook: complete Worksheet 1, “My Definition of Success”, in your Success Principles workbook.